Friday, November 18, 2016

Elsa’s Letter to President-elect Trump

School HW

Dear Mr. Donald J. Trump,
There is a problem the size of Texas in the middle of the Pacific Ocean called the Great Pacific Garbage Patch (GPGP).

Word Gyre: bottlecaps, bubble-wrap, bags, bottles, plastic plants, fishing line, packaging, fishing net, rubber duckies, strapping tape, chemical containers, plastic-pen-ink-bottles, contaniers, shoes, ziplock, styrofoam, sketch of 6-pack rings

First things first, the GPGP has originated from plastic human waste. If people are to stop this the first step is to reduce, reuse, compost and recycle. Start by reducing the amount of plastic used and in its place use decompostable materials.
Second, the amount of plastic found in a Laysan’s Albatross chick’s stomach is an unbelievable sum, 30 bottle caps in the average corpse. Many species of marine life are dying and this is very important to me as I would like to be a marine biologist. Soon there won’t be any biology to marine.
And third, in some areas the ratio of plastic to zooplankton is 6 to 1. The worst part is zooplankton is the base of the ocean’s food chain.
Last but not least, plastic is being eaten by fish. When people eat the fish, we are eating small particles of garbage. Reduce the amount of fish eaten, reduce the amount of plastic eaten.
To sum t up, the unchecked growth of the GPG will lead to major complicitiation in the ocean’s ecosystem and possibly an increase in the current extinction rate.

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Things Babes Have Said To Me (Soon) After Sex

(Inspired by Things Dudes Have Said To Me After Sex.)

The worst: “I should have told you before, I’m sorry, but I just needed you, I have ..., but it isn’t flaring right now and probably not very contagious.”

The rest are in no particular order.
  1. “Have I mentioned that I am an EMO?” (Yes, this cuts both ways … ;-)
  2. “I think we should see each other again ... But not for dating or anything ... I mean just as friends ... But with benefits of course.” (Of course.)
  3. “Did you fake that?”
  4. “Why are you so surprised? I am a grown woman.” (First date.)
  5. “Do you still respect me? You don’t think I’m easy do you? I never do that until after 5–6 dates.” (Different woman, second date.)
  6. “Easy up, easy down.” (After the second time.)
  7. “Am I your first?” (After the third time. And “Yes.”, but I didn’t admit it until a week later.)
  8. “Maybe you should do some Kegels.” (During that week.)
  9. “No, don’t do that! I don't know you well enough.”
  10. “I don’t want you to tell anyone, I don’t want my husband finding out.”
  11. “Honey, you woke my kids!”
  12. “Yayy! We weren’t busted by the SFPD!”
  13. “One more bookcase and we're done.”
  14. “Should we eat now before the food gets cold?” 

The best: "Pizza?"

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Let's just be friends 1

Hi Karen,
It was good to meet you yesterday and I would like to continue our conversations. I can meet this Friday afternoon in SF but have to leave by 4ish, if you can escape before then, or we can skype over the weekend and figure out a time to meet next week.

Two days later:
Hi Ranjeet,

It was such a pleasure to meet you. Thanks for the great conversation. We'll have to meet up again. Unfortunately, this week has been quite busy and the weekend is filled with family obligations, being Chinese New Year, so we'll have to find another time.

I also wanted to be upfront with you that I'd welcome a friendship. I've found that for me relationships tend to happen when I feel a kind of chemistry that's different than the one we had. I hope that makes sense. Perhaps you feel the same! 
Warm regards,

1 week later:

Hi Karen,
Our conversation was so dominated by physics (literally) that the chemistry you refer to figuratively had no chance.
Let's do the whole "sub-text" thingy:
Given that you've made a very early decision about "no relationship" (essentially rejecting a part of me) I don't understand why you (and other women) then feel the need to have a friendship (with or without benefits), do nothing to cultivate the friendship and seek my approval to assuage your guilt. It is your decision, take ownership.
I don't do lame, not for free; my scintillating conversation is available at $150 per hour.